How to Create a Success Team for Your Life

I've heard it said that we are the composite of the five people we spend the most time with. There is probably some truth in that idea. The people in our inner circle have tremendous influence in our lives, whether we like it that way or not.

How many times have you excitedly shared an idea or dream or activity with someone only to be laughed at, ignored, trivialized, or told all the reasons it wasn't going to work? Maybe this doesn't bother you, but if you're like most of us, this kind of negativity wears you down. Before you know it, the idea or dream slips away, the life in it painfully snuffed out. Your life floats away on the whims of the people in your life, keeping you stuck in the status quo or trapped in circumstances.

Trust me, embarking on a life adventure is tough enough without being surrounded by people who drag you down. You need people who see the best in you and believe the best of you always. You need people who can hold the vision for you when you're losing your way in the midst of life's frustrations. You need people who bring out the best in you and encourage you always to reach just a little higher and farther with your dreams.

The good news is this can be an intentional strategy for success in your life. You can handpick your inner team and purposefully design an alliance with each of these people that will radically support you in following your dreams. Here are some things to consider as you begin to look at creating a success team for your life:

• Purpose: What do you need from your success team? Are they advisors, coaches, cheerleaders, or partners in your adventure? Do they help you refine your vision and create an action plan? Do they keep you on track with your plan? Do they bring unique skills to the table that fit well as actual partners in your mission?
• Qualities: What traits do you want the people on your team to possess? Do they have certain personality traits? Are they men? Women? Both? Do they bring specific experience, education, or skill sets?
• Structure: Do you want to meet together as a team or with each person individually? How often will you meet? By phone or in-person or online? Will you meet for a set length of time (like six months) or is it open-ended?

Now you may be thinking, "oh, I could never ask anyone to do something like this!" Maybe it seems selfish or like an imposition. Newsflash...people (especially people who love and believe in you) really do want to help! Think of someone you really care about. Don't you want to see them reach their dreams, and wouldn't it be an honor if they asked you to help them get there? Give these people in your life the same chance.

Identify those people who will help you get where you want to go...whether as advisors, partners, or cheerleaders in the journey. Clarify how you would like to be supported by each person. You might also want to consider how you can give back to these people. And then design an alliance with each one that addresses what you both need from the relationship. Don't be afraid to redesign the alliance as you go too if something isn't fitting quite right for either of you.

Once you have your success team in place, cherish these people, respect them, lean into them, and grow with them. Your success could well depend on it!

I'll Do It When... What's Keeping You From Your Dreams?

Most people I talk with are excited about pursuing their dreams. We can get into the juicy details of what they want their life to look like, what they want to be doing, what skills and talents they want to be using, what values they want to honor, who they want to be impacting, where they want to be living, etc. And then...

Then the bad economy slips into the conversation. Or their retirement. Or what their spouse or parents or kids or boss or friends or total strangers think they should do. Or why they can't change jobs. Or why they can't move. Or any other possible aspect of why they can't pursue their dreams right now.

The life they really want to be living...the one that taps into their greatest dreams, vision, passion, purpose, strengths, skills, and impact in the world...becomes that intangible, ever-elusive "thing" that is always just out of reach. It's always around the next bend or over the next hill. It's the future, not the now. It's something for tomorrow, and never for today.

Okay, I agree. The reasons for putting off the life you want to be living are usually quite sensible and realistic. Sometimes there really are limitations we can't fully change. Often we really do have responsibilities we can’t ignore. On a logical, head level, I can't argue with the choices made or actions taken.

Yet how sad!! I believe everyone should be living life to the fullest. Think of how much happiness we pass up by choosing to remain stuck in circumstances or the path someone else chose for us. Not to mention all the opportunities we miss for making a bigger impact or difference in the world around us.

I heard a great, sad story the other day. Great because it illustrates my point so clearly. Sad because this a real story about a real person. This guy worked in a job that really didn't fit him. He didn't enjoy it, and it wasn’t using his greatest talents or passion. He knew it, and his friends knew it. In spite of their wise counsel to get out, he refused to retire early because it meant he would miss out on $200 a month in extra pay. He gutted it out that additional four or five years so he could get the bonus retirement benefit. Was it worth it? Not even close! After too many painful years in a job he didn’t enjoy, he died a very short four months after retiring. Since when is happiness worth an extra $200?

The good news is pursuing our dreams doesn’t have to be black and white. It's a journey we take, not something that magically happens overnight. There are always options and different perspectives we can take to get us started down the right path. It begins with deciding we aren’t going to remain stuck any longer. Once we make that critical choice we can begin exploring the truly limitless possibilities for getting where we want to go.

So as you reflect on your dreams, let me ask you:

• What dreams are you putting off until that elusive "tomorrow"?
  
• What dollar figure or other measure of value are you attaching to your dreams (or your current life that isn’t following your dreams)?
  
• What are your personal "roadblocks" that are keeping you from that life you really want to be living?
  
• What would you like to do about those roadblocks and your dreams?

I've said it before, and I’ll say it again: There is no time like the present to take a stand for the bigger life you are meant for. Don't let an extra $200 keep you from it!

Validating Your Value

An amazing coaching client who is currently in the "daring to dream" process recently made a very insightful observation that she needs to learn to validate herself for the ways she is uniquely gifted. I couldn't agree more!

Most people will agree that genetically, just like snowflakes, no two people are alike. Even identical twins have individual likes and dislikes, interests, passions, dreams, and talents. Intellectually, I believe most of us would say that every single person on the face of the earth has something unique to offer...something no one else in the world can exactly match.

Yet when it comes to leveraging our innate "specialness" to follow our dreams, I've noticed many of us start to trivialize the unique value we bring to the table. If we even recognize it at all. We might look at ourselves and see mostly our faults and weaknesses. After all, that is too frequently the feedback we've gotten from others since childhood (not to mention from our "inner critics"). Or we may see our strengths but doubt that they could ever really be useful to anyone else.

Another example of trivializing is how a friend of mine summed up a unique talent of hers with "oh, lots of people can do that." True, she is not alone in being able to ask all the right questions that many people miss so she can get all the details necessary to make an informed decision. But she is the only one who combines that particular ability with all her other wonderful skills, interests, personality, and life experiences.

You may be asking yourself why it matters that you recognize and validate your value. What's the point?

Look around you for a moment. There is no end of needs... major and minor... physical, mental, and emotional... in every facet of life and among all ages and socio-economic environments. You’ll find it everywhere from your own household to the other side of the world.

When everyday people like you and I don't recognize and use all that makes us uniquely us, somewhere, sometime, one of those needs goes unmet. We miss a chance to make the world a better place. We also miss a chance to experience the deep-rooted personal sense of fulfillment that only living our truest selves out loud in the world can bring.

So take some time to validate your value and acknowledge:

• You are unique. There is no one else with the exact combination of innate talents, skills, passions, dreams, personality, quirks, and life experiences that you have.
• You are amazing. The strengths you've already identified are immensely valuable to the world around you. And I guarantee there are many aspects of your unique brilliance you aren't even aware of yet.
• You are needed. No one else can fill the exact space or meet the exact needs in the exact way you can. There's a void when you don’t step into that space.

The world is waiting for you in all your uniqueness and giftedness. So what are you waiting for? There's never been a better time than right now to follow your dreams and make a difference in the world!

1-2-3 Find My Dream

"But I don't know what my dream is," my friend sighed. She sounded frustrated. I don't think I've ever talked with someone who actually wants to live a boring, uninspiring life. In fact, most people get pretty excited when they think about what it would be like to follow their passion and purpose every day.

The problem is, it isn't that easy. Simply liking the idea of turning your dreams into reality isn't enough to make it happen. For people like my friend, they've been stuck in the life that's just happened to them for so long, they're no longer sure what their dream even is. Others like me have the opposite problem. We're chronic dreamers to the point it gets confusing. Either way, the idea of following a dream and making it real can start to feel like a fairy tale...something we'd love to do but could never really happen to us.

Although I can't wave a magic wand to make your dreams come true, here are three simple steps to help you capture your own elusive dream and turn it into something more tangible.

1. Start a "Dream Journal". Get a small notebook or even a little recorder you can take with you everywhere. Pay attention to when your heart comes alive...when you're happiest...when everything is life-in-full-color...when you feel purposeful and life is "in the flow".

What is happening in each of these moments? What is your role in the story that is unfolding? Who are the other people involved? What issues or topics are present? What skills are you using? What interests do you have that this taps into? Who and how are you being? What are you feeling? Seeing? Hearing? Smelling? Tasting?

Jot down a few notes about the experience in your Dream Journal while it's still fresh. It doesn't have to be lengthy. Single words that trigger the memory for you will work fine. For instance, you might write something like: "friend, sick, funny card, made her smile." Or: "gardening, warm sun, birds singing, smell of the earth, just me."

You might want to think back over the past too. Identify peak experiences you can remember. Maybe activities you haven't engaged in for years. Ask yourself the same questions about these experiences and a few take notes.

2. Identify the unifying themes. Once you have a nice selection of experiences you've recorded in your Dream Journal, maybe a dozen or so, it's time to take a birds-eye view of what’s there. Make it fun. Invite a couple of friends over and do some dream-mining. As people on the outside of your life, they will notice things you might otherwise miss.

You're looking for common elements that keep showing up in these moments. What type of people do you enjoy hanging out with or working with? What role do you enjoy playing? Maybe you're a leader or an organizer or a caretaker. What skills and abilities do you thrive on using? What values are showing up...those things that are "must haves" in the life of your dreams? What topics are you passionate about or issues you never tire of dealing with?

Make a list of all the unifying themes you find. It might be helpful to create separate lists or rank them by "absolute musts" and "nice but not essential".

3. Brainstorm possible dreams. Yay! Your dream is almost discovered! Why not invite those same friends back for another dream party? Or even more friends this time. Make it a big party! This time your goal is to brainstorm as many possible options as you can that incorporate all or some of the elements from the list you created in step two.

There are no wrong ideas at this point. You and your friends can toss every single practical, reasonable, expected, zany, crazy, and totally outrageous idea into the mix. Don't stop until you can't possibly dream up another option.

Once you're done brainstorming, take a look at what's there. Some of the ideas will obviously not be a fit for you. You will want to mine deeper with some of them to see what else might be there. Who knows...you might even find pure gold in the mix...some dream that is so right on target and so far beyond anything you dared to dream before!

A side note though: this isn't about finding the one perfect dream that fits the entire rest of your life. You may find that you will want to try out several of the dream ideas simultaneously. There's nothing wrong with that. Or the dream that fits this season of your life may not fit the next. That's okay too. This is about having fun, playing with options, dreaming big, and living the dream that's right for you right now.

I believe you have a dream...everyone does...no matter how deeply buried or long forgotten it may be. It's just a matter of uncovering it and then setting out on an adventure to make it a successful reality!

And It All Comes Back Around

I've been thinking and writing about forgotten dreams a lot lately (it's one of the things I help clients with through my Next Life Adventure coaching program). In the process, I noticed something interesting about my own journey. Pieces of my own dreams that I had forgotten about or shelved a long time ago are reemerging. Not necessarily in exactly the same way they looked back then, but the themes are there. Some pieces that were vague or unclear are making sense now too.

For example, I just finished reading The Hero and the Outlaw, a great book on branding and marketing. As I explored which archetype best fit my coaching business, I had an a-ha moment about the very essence of who I am in the world. Several years ago, I did quite a bit of work with my own coach around the topic of who I am, the impact I want to have in the world, etc. If you'd asked me at any point since then, I would have automatically told you I was the "explorer" archetype. Well, with this new information in hand about my business, I realized the same archetype applied to me as a person too (the "magician", if you're curious). Wow, suddenly, I'm looking at my life purpose in a whole new way! Pieces that had been vague—floating around the periphery—now fit and make perfect sense.

My coaching business itself is another example. As a serial entrepreneur and chronic idea person, I can start to feel like a bit of a flake sometimes. I started my own business as a career coach over a decade ago. I love everything about business strategy, and before too long, people in the careers industry began seeking out my advice to help them grow their businesses. Hence my venture into business coaching. Yet my own major life experiences and transitions left me wanting to contribute to my coaching clients on a deeper level than merely their career or business. Now here I am, more than 10 years later (and with no intentional design on my part), coaching clients in a way that combines it all...I help women turn their forgotten dreams into exciting, successful next life adventures. Sometimes this takes the form of a new business, sometimes a new career, and always a journey of deep transformation as they transition from one thing to another.

And the lesson of my observation? Don't discard the fragments of your dreams. They may not make sense right now, and they may not be feasible in this season of your life. But pay attention...tuck them away in your heart or your mind or a journal for future reference. I guarantee that somewhere down the road ahead of you, they will resurface in some form or another, and what seems confusing now will someday make sense.

Christmas in September

Woohoo! I just ordered some books from Amazon. Pure delight!

For me, it's as good as Christmas. I savor every moment of the experience...searching for new books that interest me, browsing through my already very extensive Wish List of books, selecting the ones I most want to read right now, moving them to my shopping cart, placing the order...and then the sweet anticipation of waiting for them to arrive in the mail. Finally, there's opening the box and deciding which one I'm going to start first. Sure, I already know what's in the box when it arrives, but for me it holds the same magic of opening Christmas presents as a kid. I simply can't wait to explore new ideas and have my own ideas sparked by what I read.

Okay, I know...I'm weird. I really love books. I can't help it; I was born that way. Now when was it they said that order would ship?

The Power of "What If"

This funny little phrase -- what if -- was brought to my attention yesterday in a conversation I was having with several other women in a forum. I say funny because it amazes me how those two little, seemingly innocuous, words can have so much power. Power for good or power for bad.

I've seen those two words launch some very big life adventures when someone used them to dare to dream. What if I really can do that? What if it is possible? What if I really can solve this problem? What if I can change this?

And I've seen them bring dreams to a crashing halt. What if everyone thinks I'm stupid for trying this? What if I trip and fall flat on my face in front of that audience? What if I make a fool of myself? What if this turns out to be a financial disaster? What if my husband or my kids hate me for making this choice? What if I fail?

Now obviously it's not the words themselves that are good or bad. It's how you choose to use them that makes all the difference in the world. One way is expanding, one is limiting. Like this...

Negative Use: You ask yourself "what if" to...feed your fears. Affirm your nay-sayers. Limit your perspective. Squash your dreams. Deny hope. Halt action. Turn a molehill problem into a mountain problem.

Positive Use: You ask yourself "what if" to...expand your horizons. Spark hope. Dream bigger. Empower action. Solve a problem. Open new possibilities.

So I"m curious...what is one "What If" question you can ask yourself today to jumpstart or reenergize your own next life adventure?